Justin Clark Huggins memories 1984-2005: 2010

Thursday, December 23, 2010

just

Matti's friends brother passed away, over thanksgiving it triggered some emotions in her, it brought up things she felt when you died, and how her friend felt and what he is feeling. she was six when you died, maybe i should of got her some help when she was little to help her deal with this. please if ya have the time give her some comfort.
merry christmas just
go give'em heaven
love and miss you

Sunday, September 5, 2010

a vent

I want to talk to you.. and you answer me. Ok. i am feeling like no one understands how i just want to hold you again. In my arms, and tell you all that has went on. Trent adopted tyler and they went to the las vegas temple, matti is at the new school, gracie is in the 4th grades. I hear songs on the radio and think oh justin would love this song, then i get mad , i am mad just, really mad. i don't know who i am mad at, but i know i am mad. I need to get over this, so i can focus on others. Someone ask me if i cry everyday, i said yes that is why i wear water proof mascara, at one point each and every day there is a smell and picture and thought comes to me, and i think of all the what if and the would haves. i want you to know how proud i am of trent and toni. they are doing really good. and tyler is big and tylie says hi dad. i don't know why i am tell you all this cuz. i am sure you know.but i love you and go giv'em heaven love you mom.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

justin

this week has been kinda blah.... it has been 7 years on the 25 th of june that we said goodbye to you for two years, in three days it will be 5 years that you came home from your mission. hmmm i miss you more than any thing right now. my buddy.
love you
go give'em heaven

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

new field house

hey just
went to the baseball auction, they showed us the new field house. oh my, my thought was you would of loved it, you would of never came home. the poor coaches arms would of fell off, throwing you grounder all night.
love you
miss you
go give'em heaven

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

gracie's letter to justin

GRACIE GAVE ME A CARD FOR JUSTIN, THIS IS WHAT IT SAID... "DEAR JUSTIN, I NEVER GOT TO SEE YOU, WELL I HAVE BUT I WAS LITTLE. I MISS YOU SO MUCH. DAD SAID YOU USE TO SCARE ME AND MATTI WITH A MONSTER MASK. MATTI IS GOING TO SIGN UP FRO BASKETBALL OR SOCCER. SCHOOL IS GOING GOOD, I LIKE TO WRITE BUT I MESS UP A FEW TIME...S. YOU HAVE A LOT OF STUFF, AND I KNOW NOW HOW TO TALK TO YOU BY PRAYING.

I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING WITH MATTI WHICH MAKES ME MAD. I KINDA OF TOOK OVER YOU ROOM, I AM SORRY FOR THAT. BUT WHEN I DIE I CAN SEE YOU. I LOVE DIET COKE. BUT MOM DON'T LET ME DRINK IT OFTEN. HAVE YOU MET DIANLYN, WELL WE BABYSIT HER DOG. I MISS YOU SO MUCH.
LOVE GRACIE
PS
X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X

SPRING

SPRING IS HERE, I LOVE IT JUST BUT IT BRING BACK A LOT OF MEMORIES OF GOOD TIMES. I SEEN SOME MISSIONARIES IN THE BIKE STORE YESTERDAY, I DON'T HAVE THAT NEED TO CRY AND RUN AND HUG THEM LIKE I DID RIGHT AFTER YOU DIED, SO I GUESS THAT IS GOOD RIGHT. WELL I WENT THROUGH YOUR ROOM, THAT IS A FUNNY STORY. I REALLY DIDN'T GET RID OF MUCH JUST SORTA KINDA TRANSFERRED UP STAIRS, SO I CAN GO LAY ON THE BED AND STILL FEEL YOU. I KNOW WEIRD HUH. WELL I HAVE A LOT TO SAY. DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME TO SAY IT.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

HMMMMMM

IT HAS BEEN AWHILE SINCE I POSTED. I WOULD THINK THAT BY NOW IT I WOULD GET USE TO THIS. BUT THEN I SMELL SOMETHING THAT JUST TRIGGERS IT. THEN I START THINKING ABOUT THE WHAT IF'S. I MISS HIM.

Our Justin Clark Huggins

Our Justin Clark Huggins
Our Justin graduated June 2002, went off to college in price to play baseball, then got his mission call march 25 2003, he left for the Tampa, Florida mission June 25,2003 we were always so close he was one of my best friends. I thought I would die when he left for his mission and not talk with him only four times in two years. I can honestly say that I tried to talk him out of going. He told me, mom if I do not go, the girls I want to marry will not marry me. I said I know. So he left got my first letter and then my second and so on. he promised me that he would write every week and email once a week. He kept his word. He also sent me a picture of his bed on every transfer so I could picture where he sleeps at night. The closer it was time, for him to come home I was so nervous all these thought would come in my head is he going to proud of us will he think we grew in our testimony will he be disappointed. I told Clark my husband it just seems so nice to have him home I just feel something is going to happen; he just said I was being paranoid. I said yea I guess. Therefore, June 30, 2005 came and he was coming home. When he was coming down the stairs at the airport I just had a feeling that my boy was not going to be with us long, I could not put my finger on it. May be it was that his next step was moving out or getting married. I was just worried. I never said anything to anyone. I always said be safe wear your belt. He would just laugh and say mom I have done that forever. He loved baseball, played all his life through high school on up to college. Therefore, when he came back he picked that sport up again. I love watching him play it was a family event. He decides to go to Utah State University to play baseball on their club team. He went in to agriculture mechanics. He loved to farm with his dad. He wasn't going to move out but at the last minute he decided he wanted the college feel, so he move to Logan, August 27, 2005, only 30 min away. He came home every week to play ball and to do laundry. The last two weeks he started his new ward and was the family home evening paw for one week. He would come home just on Saturday and go home Sunday morning before his church. The Thursday before he died, he played in Tremonton. We went to his game and had a good time. I sat by one of my friends and we were talking how I worried when he left and traveled with the baseball team and how glad I was when they got canceled, she said why, I told her that I just worry that something is going to happen to him. (First time I ever said this aloud) she said he is too good of a boy for anything to happen to him. I said I just got a nagging feeling. When he got ready to leave I hugged him and said just come home. He said mom I cannot miss baseball practice. I hugged him very hard; he always raised his hands and said save it. Then we would laugh and he would hug me back. We said our love you. I told him to call me when he got to his apartment. It took longer than what I expected so I text him and said nice call. Then the phone rang, he said sorry he was talking to these girls in his apartment complex. We talked awhile then hung up. I am rambling about my story. Sept 24, 2004 there was the big football game on campus one of his friends came up from college to hang out with him... On Sunday, he called home and we talked about school, baseball, and girls. That was the last time I talked with him. (Alive). Monday was just like any other day. It was like 4:00 pm I came in from mowing the lawn, and started to help Matti with her reading and spelling. I had the TV on; there was breaking news on TV. Saying a van rolled killing six people in Box Elder County; this is where we are from. It felt like someone kicked me in the stomach. I just knew I knew someone in it. I called my best friend who has a van and five kids. She did not answer. Then the news said it was a 15-passenger van. Then I started thinking whom I knew. Then it said a U.S.U van, wow I bet Justin knew someone on it. Then I kept watching it. Then it said it was a U.S.U van had 11 people on it. They were returning from an agriculture field trip. Justin is in that class, I looked at the clock and it said five something. I thought well he is at baseball practice. I called his cell phone anyway, but hung up because I thought he would not answer it anyway. Then the phone rang and it was the hospital. Saying they had our Justin in the McKay Dee hospital. I said no you do not he is at baseball, so make a long story shorter. We got to the hospital and a social worker and a doctor was they’re waiting for us. They said that he had major head injuries, when they were doing a cat scan he died. They revived him. We went to see him in the emergency room I took a deep breath and walked in. there was my Justin laying there I'll I could think of was " this boo boo is way to big to kiss away". I kept rubbing his little toes they were so cold I kept covering them up and they nicely uncovered them. Clark and his dad gave him a blessing; the doctor's were trying to get him stable so they can move him to intensive care. He was losing so much blood they had to take him to surgery. They said it was a damn if you do damn if you do not situation. They needed to find where the eternal bleeding was coming from. We kissed him gave him a blessing and prayed for the best. I just kept thinking of his patriarchal blessing, that said (that I bless you that when the time comes you will be able to find a mate and that together you will be worthy to go to the temple of Our Father in heaven and there to be sealed for time and all eternity. I bless you that you will know the joys of parenthood that will have children who will honor you and respect you in this life.) It gave me a little hope. There was so many people there, Clark and I just walked outside when my sister in-law came out and said the social worker is looking for us. I knew, they took us in a little room and told us they did everything they could. They could not stop the bleeding. It was as if I was watching myself on TV. Clark and I cried and cried. Then my other son came and cried with us. Then we went and faced the massive about of friends and relatives waiting down the hall. This will sound weird but all I could think about was the titanic movie when she died and she walked past all those people to greet her friend. That is what I felt like both sides of the hall were full of people. My Justin was home 89 days from his mission, before the accident. There were 11 on the van that day. The instructor and eight boys died. We buried Justin on his 3-month mark of being home. What has helped me is talking about it. Knowing I will see him again. Writing letters too him. It is as I said when he was on his mission he sent me pictures of his bed so I can see were he slept. If I could just get a glimpse of where he is and see what he is doing it would be so much easier for me. It will be
four years, on the 26 of September.
In memory of Justin Clark Huggins
June 6, 1984 - September 26, 2005