a vent

I want to talk to you.. and you answer me. Ok. i am feeling like no one understands how i just want to hold you again. In my arms, and tell you all that has went on. Trent adopted tyler and they went to the las vegas temple, matti is at the new school, gracie is in the 4th grades. I hear songs on the radio and think oh justin would love this song, then i get mad , i am mad just, really mad. i don't know who i am mad at, but i know i am mad. I need to get over this, so i can focus on others. Someone ask me if i cry everyday, i said yes that is why i wear water proof mascara, at one point each and every day there is a smell and picture and thought comes to me, and i think of all the what if and the would haves. i want you to know how proud i am of trent and toni. they are doing really good. and tyler is big and tylie says hi dad. i don't know why i am tell you all this cuz. i am sure you know.but i love you and go giv'em heaven love you mom.

justin

this week has been kinda blah.... it has been 7 years on the 25 th of june that we said goodbye to you for two years, in three days it will be 5 years that you came home from your mission. hmmm i miss you more than any thing right now. my buddy.
love you
go give'em heaven

new field house

hey just
went to the baseball auction, they showed us the new field house. oh my, my thought was you would of loved it, you would of never came home. the poor coaches arms would of fell off, throwing you grounder all night.
love you
miss you
go give'em heaven

gracie's letter to justin

GRACIE GAVE ME A CARD FOR JUSTIN, THIS IS WHAT IT SAID... "DEAR JUSTIN, I NEVER GOT TO SEE YOU, WELL I HAVE BUT I WAS LITTLE. I MISS YOU SO MUCH. DAD SAID YOU USE TO SCARE ME AND MATTI WITH A MONSTER MASK. MATTI IS GOING TO SIGN UP FRO BASKETBALL OR SOCCER. SCHOOL IS GOING GOOD, I LIKE TO WRITE BUT I MESS UP A FEW TIME...S. YOU HAVE A LOT OF STUFF, AND I KNOW NOW HOW TO TALK TO YOU BY PRAYING.

I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING WITH MATTI WHICH MAKES ME MAD. I KINDA OF TOOK OVER YOU ROOM, I AM SORRY FOR THAT. BUT WHEN I DIE I CAN SEE YOU. I LOVE DIET COKE. BUT MOM DON'T LET ME DRINK IT OFTEN. HAVE YOU MET DIANLYN, WELL WE BABYSIT HER DOG. I MISS YOU SO MUCH.
LOVE GRACIE
PS
X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X

SPRING

SPRING IS HERE, I LOVE IT JUST BUT IT BRING BACK A LOT OF MEMORIES OF GOOD TIMES. I SEEN SOME MISSIONARIES IN THE BIKE STORE YESTERDAY, I DON'T HAVE THAT NEED TO CRY AND RUN AND HUG THEM LIKE I DID RIGHT AFTER YOU DIED, SO I GUESS THAT IS GOOD RIGHT. WELL I WENT THROUGH YOUR ROOM, THAT IS A FUNNY STORY. I REALLY DIDN'T GET RID OF MUCH JUST SORTA KINDA TRANSFERRED UP STAIRS, SO I CAN GO LAY ON THE BED AND STILL FEEL YOU. I KNOW WEIRD HUH. WELL I HAVE A LOT TO SAY. DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME TO SAY IT.

HMMMMMM

IT HAS BEEN AWHILE SINCE I POSTED. I WOULD THINK THAT BY NOW IT I WOULD GET USE TO THIS. BUT THEN I SMELL SOMETHING THAT JUST TRIGGERS IT. THEN I START THINKING ABOUT THE WHAT IF'S. I MISS HIM.

MY PRAYERS AND THOUGHTS ARE WITH THE OTHER FAMILIES THIS TIME OF YEAR

Evan P. Parker, 45, of Hooper
Steven D. Bair, 24, of Moses Lake, Wash.,
Curt A. Madsen, 23, of Payson,
Ryan W. McEntire, 22, of West Point,
Bradley G. Wilcox, 26, of Salt Lake City
Justin W. Gunnell, 24, of Providence,
Dusty D. Fuhriman, 22, of Tremonton.
Jonathan D. Jorgensen, 22, of Hyrum .
Justin C. Huggins, 21, of Bear River utah.

THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN.

MEMORY OF JUSTIN.

WE HAD DINNER AT ANN'S TONIGHT, CASEY AND BRIDGET WERE THERE, AND CASEY SAID HIM AND BRIDGET ATE AT ARBIES AND HE THOUGHT OF JUSTIN. I ASK HIM WHY, HE SAID WHEN JUSTIN GOT OFF HIS MISSION HE WAS COMING OUT OF ARBIES AND BRIDGET RAN TO HIM AND HUGGED HIM JUSTIN SMILED AND SAID YOU HAVE ALREADY HUGGED ME. I GUESS SHE WAS JUST EXCITED AGAIN. THANKS FOR SHARING THE STORY WITH ME CASEY. I LOVE MEMORIES.

JUNE 30, 2005

JUSTIN WOULD BE COMING HOME FROM HIS MISSION FOUR YEARS AGO TOMORROW. I REMEMBER THIS DAY LIKE IT WAS TODAY. I REMEMBERING PUTTING YELLOW RIBBON ON HIS GRILL OF HIS PICKUP AND DRIVING TO THE AIRPORT THINKING OH MY IS HE GOING TO THINK WE HAVE CHANGED, OR GREW IN OUR TESTIMONY. I REMEMBER WAITING FOR HIS AIRPLANE TO LAND AND LOOKING AT THE TV AND IT SAID IT LANDED. THEN I WAS SO NERVOUS, I WATCHED HIM COMING DOWN THE STAIRS, CLARK GOES GO ON HUG HIM, I RAN TO HIM AND HUGGED HIM SO TIGHT AND SAID DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN. HE JUST LAUGHED IN MY EAR. HE DIDN'T WANT TO DRIVE HIS TRUCK BECAUSE IT WAS SO BIG COMPARED TO HIS LITTLE CAR HE DROVE ON HIS MISSION. WHEN HE GOT IN HE HEARD SOMETHING DROP AND LOOKED DOWN, BUT DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING AND GOT IN BUT TIME WE GOT HOME HE REALIZED IT WAS HIS NAMED TAG HE HAD WORN FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS. HE WAS SO SAD, I CALLED THE AIRPORT TO SEE IF THEY FOUND IT, BUT THEY DIDN'T. WE STOPPED AT THE MALL TO GET HIM SOME TENNIS SHOE'S AND GRACIE CRYING BECAUSE, SHE WANTED SOME TO AND I LOOKED AT JUSTIN AND SAID WELCOME HOME. HAHAHAH. HERE IS SOME PICTURES HE TOOK IN THE PLANE AND LANDING AND SOME WITH THE ELDERS HE SERVED WITH AT THE AIRPORT.(I WILL POST THEM LATER)
I LOVE YOU JUSTIN AND PRAY EVERY DAY THAT THIS IS GOING TO GET EASIER CLARK SAID IT WILL WHEN I AM DEAD, NICE RIGHT. AT LEAST I WONT HAVE TO HIDE AND PRETEND AND WEAR MY MASKS.

LOVE YOU
GO GIVE'EM HEAVEN
MOM

NEW PICTURES OF JUSTIN FROM LACEY WELLING THANKS YOU

SIX YEAR AGO TODAY

JUSTIN LEFT TO GO ON HIS LDS MISSION, WOW HOW LIFE HAS CHANGED SCENES THIS DAY JUNE 25,2003.
LOVE AND MISS YOU
GO GIVE'EM HEAVEN
MOM

DREAM

JUSTIN, JUNE ,09

I HAVE HAD THIS DREAM THE LAST THREE NIGHTS, JUSTIN I DON'T KNOW WHY. YOUR DAD AND I MATTI AND GRACIE AND TRENT GET READY TO GO TO THE BALLGAME AND WE ARE SO EXCITED TO WATCH YOU PLAY . YOU NEVER SHOW UP THERE IS NO SHORTSTOP. I WAKE UP SO SAD JUSTIN. I HAD THE SAME DREAM RIGHT AFTER YOU DIED. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHY I BEEN HAVING THEM AGAIN. SO I SUGGEST TO YOU THAT YOU MAKE THEM STOP OK. LOL
LOVE YOU
GO GIVE'EM HEAVEN
MOM

A NEW LETTER AND SOME PICTURES FROM A ELDER THAT SERVED WITH JUSTIN

Hi,

You recently found me on facebook and asked if I'd served with/known
Elder Huggins (well, I knew him as "Elder"). I did serve in his district
once and in his Zone one or two times.

I'm not just saying this because of the circumstances, but I was
genuinely impressed with Elder Huggins for a particular reason. I can
remember times, maybe on a p-day or something, when some elders wanted
to do things that were "questionable." Elder Huggins had a  real talent
for stopping stuff like that before it even started. He could correct
people, almost without them even realizing they were being corrected. It
was a subtle way of helping those around him do what was right.

One day, my companion Elder Ence and I were driving to the house where
Justin and Elder Lillywhite lived to pick them up for something and it
began to rain like CRAZY. When we got to the house, Elder Huggins and
Elder Lillywhite were just sitting in chairs in the driveway completely
soaked - still in their proselyting clothes - still in the pouring rain.
They had gotten soaked while walking back to their place and decided to
just stay that way until we got there. THEN they proceeded to pretend
like they were swimming in the overflowing gutters - I've got a picture
of that somewhere, but I'm not sure where.

Anyway, I looked through the pictures I have of him and am sending them
to you. Some of the files are a little bigger, and so I'll be sending
them in a few different emails.

Cheers,
Elder Watanabe (Andy Watanabe)

this is on the side of the bear river dug out

Justin's Birthday June 6,

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Well It Is the first day of june, how it brings up so many emotions. Your Birthday is in 5 Days, How I miss those days of your big smile and you asking what ya going to get me. You still Have two notes in your wallet that I wrote you on your 21st birthday, Because You were coming home from your mission on the 30 of june and you didn't want me to send you anything you had to pack to come home, so i wrote you I.O.U's The one you kept in your wallet says I love you tons happy birthday, thanks you for keeping it there. I know some think it is silly to have cake on your birthday or that we even celebrate it. I don't know???? I just want you to know I love you justin, you are one of my best friends I miss talkin with you and your words of wisdoms. I really would love to feel your arms around me right now, I know you are busy but sometimes mom's need a hug from there baby boy's Happy Birthday #17. Sometimes dads don't get to mourn like mom's do. I know for a fact that Justin would not be who was if it was not for clark , this song came out after justin died. but it is such a clark and justin song. they were so close.
Go Give'em heaven
love you
mom

Thank You Nichole

Thanks You Nichole for sending me these pics of Justin, I love to see new ones. I wish everyone that had pictures of Justin would send them to me.

I recieved this email, two days ago. This is what it said

Hello,

My name is Ben Schmauss and I had the honor of serving with your son Justin in the Florida Tampa Mission. At the end of my mission while serving as an assistant to the president with Elder Spencer we stayed the night with Justin and his new companion and had the opportunity to go out and do some work together. I happened to have my video camera and captured a few short clips of your son. As I explained on your blog I was impressed to google Justin last night and as I read your story I was truly humbled. I believe he is working from the other side and I am grateful that your family is continuing to be instruments in the Lords and Justins hands. Thank you for your blog and the impact it had on me. I hope these 3 small clips bring some smiles to your face.

This was his comment,

I also had the opportunity of serving with Elder Huggins. I have one very specific memory of standing outside of a grocery store in the Southern Part of our mission singing hymns to everyone that walked by. I actually have some of our experience on tape. I sat up last night and while working through some thoughts I was having I felt guided to search for Elder Huggins on google. I came across this blog and my heart was touched. I was so humbled last night by your burden Sister Huggins. I was impressed to repent and begin to live life in a much fuller manner. May the spirit comfort you during this time without your son. My prayers will be with you and your family.
Ben Schmauss
FTM 2002-2004

I miss you

I did it......................... I cleaned out his bat bag.

I could not sleep last night, I tossed and turned then finally got up and went in Justin's room to lay down. Then I got to thinking is it time to put his stuff away, clean out his clothes in his closet. Then I looked over at his baseball bag, Then I remembered a conversation I had with Jalyn the other night, about his baseball bag that I have not went through it yet, she asked me why, I didn't have a answer except, The last time I saw him alive he was in his eastern ball shirt, blue ball socks and eastern coat and hat and his bat bag slung over his shoulder. I was hugging him telling him to come home and him telling me to save it. So I guess I was scared of the memories I would find in there. But I did it, and here are my feeling and the pic's of what i found.



This is the hat he had the last time I saw him alive, which was the hat he had on when he got in the accident, also his boots and his sock are stuffed in side.
His batting Gloves and his bat.
YES his cup which he was proud of cause it was a XL hahahaha.





His baseball helmet with his finger prints , dirt and tar on it.
His balls
His cleats


with dirt still on them



I found his white arm bands he wore every game just right below his elbows. They still had dirt on them and of course i smelled them.




His eastern shirt It also has dirt on it.
His pant and they were turned wrong side out like he was in a hurry to get them off. At his funeral Greg Madsen said Justin never felt liked he played a good game unless his pants were dirty and here is the proof.

His blue socks they were also turned wrong side out and YES i smelled them.
By this time i was crying when i found his extra glove there was this ball inside it. he never left a glove just lay there without a ball in it because he said it would mishap. We buried him with his glove he always used, yes we put a ball in it.

He had 2.00 and his needle and leather to re lace his glove when it broke.

Justin And Katie

Justin and Katie were best friends and cousins, I was thinking today how she always wanted to sit on his lap and say just hold me just i want you to hold me, He would push her off and say you wish. He would tease her until she would almost cry. I wish I could find the picture of katie in his ball uniform and pretending she was batting. But for katies sake i wont tell about the eternal bad hair cut. Which i still smile about. If anyone reads these posts please leave a memory or a comment.

love you
go give'em heaven
mom

my mind

Goes crazy sometimes with the what if''s and I should haves . I was telling Clark last night. I wish I would of had the doctors unhook all the stuff off of Justin, and have them all leave the room when we first got to the hospital and just climb in his bed, and hold him and talk with him until he passed away so i could of been there with him, so he was not with strangers, when he died.

Not a good Idea

I was cleaning out my closet i ran across Justin funeral book, I thought i would just sit and look. was not a good idea, he was laying in the casket and with his orange lips, I wanted to wash them off. needless to say i cried myself to sleep last night.
love you
go give'em heaven
mom

A video

Make a Smilebox slideshow

A Memory

I remember when you was 3, We were going to the store I was giving you the pep talk about how to behave at the store it went something like this.
me: you will be have in the store and i mean it, you will not run around or be loud cuz if you start to run around we will be getting in the cart. you looked at me so serious
Justin: Well who will push us.
You and your witty sayings I miss you
go give'em heaven
love you mom

Justin's Retirement of his # 17 jersey

This video was done when Justin's number was retired . Don't mind the dumb girl in the video at the end which is me.. If you read my blog please feel free to leave a comment because I love them.As long as they are nice.

Hey My Justin

A ball player passed away today, He was only 22, I am so sure you were excited, to get a hold of him and teach him the Gospel, and talk ball's and strikes. Oh how I miss you.
Love you bud
go give'em heaven
mom

Justin on his mission

If ya listen carefully you can her him kinda get mad at his companion, about getting it on his pants. Also at the end he walks away fast cause he wants no more of it. funny

Journal 13

Justin Dec 9, 2005
I just have a few questions for you.
* Where is you wheat tie pin?
* Who are the boys on your Picture cd's?

we also put up christmas I was going to take a pic and send it to you on your mission. But I guess you are not there:(

A few other things that happened>

* Missionary died in Argentina.
* One of the Lewis boys is getting married.
* Ordered your headstone :(
*Bad night over in Logan. (U.S.U)
*got my feelings hurt real bad.. (I wont name names cause I am sure you know who.) One of the widow's mom said that her daughter lost a provider and we just lost a expense. I just looked over at your dad and I could see the color, drain from his face. I just got up and left. It was the worst thing anyone has ever said to me................

P.S. You were never a expense, You were (are) our cowboy Justin.

go give'm heaven
till we meet again
love you mom

Got this letter

letter

we got this letter from a guy that Justin baptized while on his mission in tampa florida. it made us smile

September 16, 2007

Dear Huggins Family,

You do not know me so I will tell you a little about me! My name is Michael Gordon Locke. I’m 23 years old. I’m married to Lacey Ann Bell. We have a 2½ year old little girl, and a little boy on the way. He’s due October 4Th. His name will be Mason Stephen Locke. My daughter’s name is Mikaela Ann Locke. I am a finish trim carpenter. I joined the Church April 10Th 2005. Since then, I have had my ups-and-downs with going to church because it was such a dramatic life change. I guess I just had to work more and more on my testimony. Since the beginning of this year, I have been to church with full force. On July 29, 2007, I was ordained an ELDER. About one month ago, I was set apart as 2nd counselor of the Elders Quorum of about a 500 member ward. On September 8th 2007, I received my endowments along with my wife, and we were SEALED for all time and eternity to each other and to our little girl. Now our son will be born under the Covenant.
I have baptized one of my best friends, and soon or in about one week, I’m going to baptize my neighbors. In a few months, my mom probably and a couple of my brothers and sisters, and hopefully more friends, I will also be baptizing. I have probably given over 40 Books of Mormon away. This Gospel has blessed my life so much and all the people I interact with. People I grew up with or knew me before I joined the Church can’t believe their eyes and ears.
On April 10th 2005 I was baptized by Elder Justin Huggins; who was and is a MAN OF GOD! Who held the proper authority and taught me what true authority was. I still to this day have not met a missionary who was as humble and knowledgeable as he was. He taught me how to kneel and pray. I remember he would take off his shoes and ask if we could kneel.
When I heard of his calling to the other side, I was so heartbroken that I wouldn’t get to see him again on the earth. But I know God needed a really good missionary on the other side to teach in the spirit world. Don’t be surprised if he’s one of the 144,000.
I remember he got transferred right before I was to be baptized. He got to come back to perform the sacred ordinance. I remember as he pulled me from the water, the spirit that I felt and we hugged and embraced and there were tears of great joy streaming down our faces. I thank God for Elder Huggins and Elder Gossling. I thank God for people like you for raising children to be lovers of God, and to carry out his will on earth.
Thank you so much! I will carry on the work your son passed on to Me. I hope all is well in your lives.
Love,

Michael, Lacey,

just needed to talk to you

I was listening to your tapes you sent me on your mission. I almost made myself believe that you were still on you mission. Then I got sad that you are not. I wish i could put them on here so the other people can listen to them to. Justin, I need you here so i can feel your spirit. Trent needs you also. You were and are his hero. It's weird how your life is in stages with grief, first you are in shock then denial ( i was in this one for a long time) I think i am in the mad stage. Not mad at any one. just mad you are not here, mad i can't hold you , mad at myself when i look at your picture and think how did this ever happened. I get so tired of pretending it don't hurt no more, but i can be truthful with you. You will not judge me on how i grieve right, If Heavenly Father could spare you a few minute , i would love for you to come to me in a dream so i could talk with ya just for a min. I love you Go Giv'em Heaven love you mom

just a thought

I don't know what my deal is Justin. If is was the memorial at the college or gracie getting baptized. And you not being here. It is like another mile stone and a memory you wont be a part of. Maybe it is the smell of spring, Or maybe it is me just wanting to put my arm around you and you to tell me to save it. Maybe it is because i am sick. When i get sick i don't do much and i have to much time on my hands. All I think about is the what if's. If i could put time in a bottle i would put the time, you came home from your mission and everyone was asleep, I walked in your room and kissed you goodnight And all my kids where tucked in there beds. That was the best sleep this old mom had. I miss you Justin, every says oh you must being doing so good you always are smiling and act like it doesnt bother you. As you know i put on my mask when i go out in public cuz no one wants to be around a baby all the time. Right? I know when i am sad you can't get your work done, I am sorry. But justin when i see you again I am going to hug you so tight and then spank your bottom for not asking you mom if you could go this far.
I love you
go give'em heaven
mom

Journal 12

Justin nov 21,2005
A memory I had today, was when you just got home from your mission, Gracie was saying the family pray. She said" Heavenly Father please, please, don't let Justin go back to Tampa. Now she and Matti pray, that Jesus is nice to you and you are nice to Jesus. :) And Matti asked Heavenly Father if he could fix you so you could come home.:(
Go give'em Heaven
love and miss you bud
mom

Justin Clark Huggins

When Justin Was little he always wrote his name on anything. Even as he got old he did this. He said
"mom one day this will be worth something." Little did he know that it would mean the world to me. His name is on his wall to.

I miss him and his crooked hat.

 

My Justin Sent me this video from his mission. I guess it is very rare, you are alone on your mission, so he thought it was cool.

From Justin's tampa mission

From Justin's tampa mission